In this post I’m giving feedback on a post by Bisi MacGregor (with her permission).
To follow along, you can find her original post here.
This is part of a new series of posts where I point out what people can change about their content so that they get at least one new client for their high-ticket program every week when they’re posting daily.
Let’s get to it!
Bisi starts out her post as follows:
“NOPE, YOU DO NOT NEED MORE HOURS IN A DAY”
This is very good. 🙂
Often, in my framework, we start out the post with a problem the ideal client is having.
But other times we start out with something the ideal client currently believes about how to solve their problem and let them know it’s not correct.
That latter option is the one Bisi is taking here.
Saying “You don’t need more hours in a day” isn’t stating a problem, but it’s a very clear belief that the ideal client has about how to SOLVE a problem.
And the problem is sort of implied by the belief, isn’t it?
(Especially because the belief is so specific)
We can pretty well guess that the problem is something like “overwhelmed by too many things to get done in their day.”
So, this is good! This opener is sure to catch attention right away, which is what we want.
Bisi quickly gets through the introduction of the post by stating very briefly, in 2 short sentences, that this belief is wrong.
Also good.
After that, she starts to depart from my framework.
She spends quite a bit of time on “problem description,” going into detail about the problem she’s focusing on in this post and how the ideal client is experiencing it.
Like so:
“You wake up with 100% enthusiasm for your day
“You begin your day
“But then the day takes over
“It feels like you are losing bandwidth quickly
“Your plate is so full with multiple things
“There seems to be no wiggle room
Etc.
(I’m only giving a summary here – there were a lot more words than this.)
In my framework, we completely cut out this kind of problem description.
We either name the problem in one concise, precise sentence OR eliminate it altogether.
In this case, I think it can be eliminated because (as discussed a moment ago) the problem is implied in the myth that Bisi is busting at the beginning of her post.
The reason for eliminating “problem description” is so that we can strip down the post to its absolute bare bones, only leaving the most interesting parts for the ideal client to increase the possibility that their attention will be hooked from beginning to end.
And by “interesting,” of course, I mean the parts where we talk about what REALLY causes the problem and how to solve it. 😉
Bisi gets into that next.
The bulk of the post (about half of the total word count) she spends on diagnosing the REAL cause of the problem.
This was really interesting to me because she actually named 5 different causes of the problem.
And they seemed to go in “layers” – like, here’s the surface-level cause, then here’s the cause underneath that, then here’s the REAL cause underneath THAT…
Like so:
“The problem is how/where you spend your time”
“You keep saying yes to things when you want to say no”
“The reason for that is you don’t want to let anyone down”
“And the reason for THAT is you think people will not like you if you say no”
“Your fears are driving most of your decisions”
(Again, I’m summarizing – there were a lot more words than this)
In my framework, we would ideally condense this part down as well, and get right to the point by only naming the absolute bottom-line reason – the one underneath all the surface-level ones.
Or give a REALLY short description of the other reasons – like one sentence or less – before getting into the main one.
So, to rewind…
Here’s how the post could look, from the beginning:
“NOPE, YOU DO NOT NEED MORE HOURS IN A DAY
“I know you have too many things to do. But the root cause of having too many things to do is that you’re afraid.
“Afraid of losing others’ approval.
“If you weren’t afraid of that, you’d have an easier time saying no to some of the things that are currently on your plate.”
BOOM!
See how quickly that sets Bisi up to talk about how she SOLVES the problem?
(a.k.a.: what the ideal client most wants to know before signing up to work together)
In just 63 words, we’ve already gotten through the problem, the myth about what causes it, and the real cause.
In Bisi’s original post, all of that took more than 500 words.
(which is a pretty big chunk of the approximately 1,000-word ideal length for these posts – and we want to save most of that for talking about how to solve the problem)
So now let’s talk about the “how to solve it” section of Bisi’s original post.
Here’s how she outlines solving the problem of being afraid of what others will think if you say no:
“Having more time freedom requires you to become more aware of how you are making your decisions
“And making powerful, conscious decisions
“Next time you are faced with a decision, pause before responding
“Ask yourself ‘is this what I really want?’
“Take your time to listen to yourself
“Communicate your response
“You’ll probably notice a sensation in your body like a bulldog were charging at you
“This is just fear doing its job to keep you safe
“Take a deep breath, give your response, keep breathing
“You did it!”
And that’s how to solve the problem.
The way this lands with me is similar to what I shared about the last two posts I gave feedback on here (Jaclyn and Pamela).
I think, “Wow! Is that really all it takes to solve this problem?”
The description here makes the solution sound really, really simple.
Just a few steps, and I’ve overcome my fear and said “no” to something I didn’t want to do.
All I had to do was pause, ask myself if I really want to do this, and then say no while accepting the feelings of fear that come as I do so.
Is it really this simple, though?
If it is, what would I need a coach for?
I suspect it’s not really this simple (and I say that as someone with a ton of things on my plate right now 😉 ).
This is where I’m a little stuck on how to advise revising this post, because I’m not the expert on Bisi’s subject matter.
But a guiding question that might help is, “What would stop someone from doing the simple process outlined above?”
And, “What would be the content of a coaching call with a client who was already aware of this simple process and was struggling to execute it? What would they ask or tell you and what would you say back to them?”
The answers to those questions would, I think, begin to provide the content of this post.
And that deeper explanation of how to really solve this problem – really solve it – underneath that simple 3-step process – would ideally take up the majority of the word count (500-700 words or so, leaving 100-200-ish for the introductory material and 100-ish for the call-to-action).
The sky is the limit for how the explanation could provided – but I have tons of tools for making it really rich and showing the reader what your coaching is like and that you know your stuff.
This could include case studies, examples from your own life, or research you’ve done or read about.
Now, as for Bisi’s CTA…
That part was good! 🙂
She begins with:
“This is one of the main concepts I address with my clients in my 30 Day 1-On-1…”
And I immediately think, “Wait…what’s ‘this’?”
Ideally, we would replace “this” with a concise, precise description of what this post was actually about.
In other words, tell ’em what you just told ’em. 😉 Make it really easy for the reader to connect the dots from the post topic to how you’d help them in your program.
A common way I do this is to begin with an ‘-ing’ verb, like so:
“Helping you with [POST TOPIC SUMMED UP IN A CONCISE, PRECISE PHRASE] is one of the main things I do with my clients in my 30 Day 1-On-1…”
And then Bisi gave an awesome description of the Point A and Point B of her offer that I thought was so easy to grasp:
“…takes successful corporate women that have everything except time freedom to having time freedom in their lives.”
Just awesome! A lot of times I’m confused when someone tries to state their Point A and Point B, but here I wasn’t.
The rest of Bisi’s CTA followed my framework pretty well. She followed up by listing other parts of her program that this particular post did NOT cover.
Although, I will say that my eyes glazed over a bit when I read the list of other stuff that was included.
She seemed to name about 7 different things that were included, separated by commas, and I got a bit lost trying to follow it.
I found myself wondering whether there was a more concise way to chunk down the main concepts that this offer works on with clients.
Like ideally to 2 or 3 other things besides the post topic.
When I work with clients we spend quite a bit of time on the pitch for the offer itself (in my 500 word “direct pitch” framework) before we move into creating the value posts, so if I had done that work with Bisi I’d know exactly how to advise on the CTA – because we take that from the bullet points in the direct pitch for the program.
…
So those are my thoughts on Bisi’s post. Bisi, thank you so much for allowing me to review it. I would love to know more details of how to get over the fear of what other people think when saying “no” – and I’ll look forward to your future posts on this. 🙂
For the rest of you, if you’ve read this far, I hope you learned a lot from this review.
If you found it as valuable or more valuable than other business help or information you’ve paid for, I welcome your gratuity payment at my new gratuity page, as this kind of content is not free for me to produce. More information here on how to make a payment.
If you want me to write a post giving feedback on one of YOUR posts – here is the info on how to be considered.
If you want my step-by-step teaching on how to construct posts according to my framework, here is a link to a free video training.
And if you want the info on my 30-day program and how to become a client of mine, here’s a post with what you need to know.
DM me on FB if interested in working together, and comment here with any questions about the writing method or the feedback I gave in this post. 🙂