Today I’m giving detailed feedback on a post by Carolina Cummins (with her permission).
Carolina’s post is found here so you can follow along with my analysis.
This is part of a new series of posts where I’ll be pointing out what people can change about their content to attract more pre-sold leads who are a great fit for their high-ticket offers.
Let’s get to it!
Carolina is using my “direct offer” post framework here – directly pitching her program.
(Thus far, my public reviews here have been of “belief-shifting” value posts that are meant to display a person’s expertise on a particular micro-topic. This is the first one I’m reviewing that’s a direct offer post.)
The direct offer post is meant to be done in about 500 words or less.
Though after posting many of that length, and mastering the concise version, I personally have done some that are longer.
So I encourage everyone who’s trying to master it to challenge themselves to do it in 500 words or less.
Because that really is long enough to tell the reader what they need to know about what it’s like to work with you, what they’ll get if they sign up, and what the value is. 😉
So let’s break down Carolina’s post, line by line.
The direct offer post framework begins by stating who your offer is for, what Point A they should be starting from and what Point B your offer is meant to take them to.
For that, Carolina has the following:
“My invitation is for female empathic/intuitive entrepreneurs and professionals who want to heal the real reasons for their unhealthy or unfulfilling relationships, who are in the intermediate or advanced state of their self-empowerment journey, who have an understanding of what is required to heal their past wounds, have done some healing already BUT have not actually connected with their EMOTIONAL pain to heal it
“They are ready to release their lack of worthiness and self-love by BEING their authentic selves and learning to attract their Soulmate.”
Okay, so that is quite a mouthful. 😉
And it contains a lot of stuff that actually has a designated place LATER in the offer statement.
I found myself spacing out a bit and actually had to hunt pretty hard to find the “who it’s for,” the Point A, and the Point B.
(which the average distracted social media reader probably isn’t going to do. The hunting, that is 😉 )
But, combing through that opening section several more times, I think I found them:
Who it’s for: “female empathic/intuitive entrepreneurs and professionals”
Point A: Has unhealthy or unfulfilling relationships
Point B: Attract soulmate
The other stuff she has in there, like about past wounds, worthiness, emotional pain, etc. is more of the “HOW” she helps people to attract a soulmate.
So that would go in the “what we work on together” bullet points, which come next.
(As I look ahead, I think that stuff is actually already in the bullet points, so this in the first paragraph is just duplication and can be deleted altogether)
And the beginning sentence could be tightened up as follows:
“This is an invitation for female empathic/intuitive entrepreneurs and professionals who currently have unhealthy or unfulfilling relationships and want to attract their soulmate.”
But let’s rewind for a second… I think the Point A and Point B could actually use a lot of clarification.
“Unhealthy or unfulfilling relationships” is quite broad, as is “attract soulmate.”
I’ve had many love/dating/attract-the-one coaches as clients, and I’ve noticed that they each help their clients with a slightly different problem.
For example, one of my clients helped women who were the super-brainy intellectual type who always had great heady conversations with their dates but had a hard time developing emotional/romantic connections.
Another of my clients helped women who had a tendency to get into relationships that felt “unequal” – meaning the woman was a lot more interested in the man than he was in her, and she always found herself fighting to keep his attention and interest.
Still another helped women who often got into relationships with men who did seem committed to them, and were really nice (even great) guys but the woman felt like she always had to “drag”/”pull” him along to be interested in learning new things, developing himself as a person, etc.
I have many other examples too, but hope that gives you an idea of what I mean by love coaches solving different problems.
So I’m curious what flavor of the “can’t attract soulmate” problem Carolina actually solves. It’s not really clear from this post.
This is the kind of thing that I discuss in depth with my clients before we even begin writing posts, because I want to be clear on some fundamental things about their business first.
I’m also curious about the bit where she says who it’s for: “female empathic/intuitive entrepreneurs and professionals.”
“Empathic” and “intuitive” are buzzwords which the ideal client may or may not know apply to them.
Heck, now that I think about it, I’ve actually taken some assessments that concluded I was both empathic and intuitive, but I still don’t go around every day thinking of myself in those terms.
They don’t necessarily jump off the page/screen at me as “hey that’s me” when I see them.
So this might be another point I’d debate with Carolina – is that the best way to grab the attention of her ideal client? I think I need more information to be able to say for sure.
Now let’s move on to the part about what Carolina actually does with clients in the program.
In her point #1 she talks about quite a few things: dealing with the client’s fears and pains, helping them to feel more confident and worthy, more relaxed, more aligned with her true self, and able to stop making decisions based on neediness.
It took me a while to wade through all this and I’m not sure if it’s really just one point or 4-5 separate points.
Or how it relates to the Point A/Point B.
I think if the Point A/Point B were clearer to me, I’d have a better idea of what these bullet points should look like.
For example, she does mention neediness in this first bullet point, so maybe that gives a clue to the Point A (maybe this is a woman who always feels/acts needy when she gets into a relationship), and maybe the whole thing would make more sense if that Point A were re-worded.
Now, for her point #2 of what she works on with clients…
Here, too, I wonder if it’s several separate points and I have trouble identifying the main one.
One part sticks out to me – she talks about helping the client act more from love and less from ego.
This sounds interesting, but I’m not quite sure how it connects to attracting a soulmate.
Maybe, once again, getting clearer about the Point A would help me to understand the connection.
Or maybe we need a bit more explanation here to explain why Carolina is doing this with her clients.
Or maybe both.
Now, for her point #3…
This, too, seems to contain many different ideas and I found myself reading and re-reading to try to discern what the main idea was.
One thing she mentions is helping the client to use spiritual wisdom to respond to what is happening in her life from love, truth, and acceptance.
This, too, sounds interesting but I’m once again wondering how it connects to attracting a soulmate.
Some further explanation might help or (more likely) clarifying the Point A and Point B at the beginning of the offer statement would probably help the most.
As I think about this, I’m really starting to conclude that clarifying that beginning part would indeed help the most, because this post is already way over the word count guideline (it’s 765 and I advise 500), so we ideally don’t want to add even more words to what’s already there.
I think that having a clearer organizing principle (a.k.a. the Point A/B part) for the whole offer statement would help greatly with knowing what to keep and what to cut out from the 1/2/3 bullet points.
Moving on…
She gives a very very brief description of the logistics of what’s included in the offer (calls/support/materials), which is good.
I try to keep that part as brief as possible because it tends to be what potential high-ticket clients care least about.
(As an aside, I think this is actually what was originally meant by the saying that clients “don’t care about the ‘how'”. 😉 They do care about the concepts and expertise and methods you’re deploying – but not necessarily about the exact number of calls or worksheets etc.)
Okay, so now let’s move on to the part where she talks about who’s a good fit for the offer.
She lists 3 qualifications.
And as I read them over, I actually think that NONE of them are necessary to mention! 🙂
They all appear to me to be duplicative of other things in this offer statement – and nothing is supposed to be duplicative with these. Each section has its own function.
For example, she talks about “you must be able to connect with and feel your emotions and be sure that you can follow guided inner journeying.”
Earlier in the 1/2/3 points she talked about how her program involves exploring emotions and going through an inner journey.
So it’s implied that the right person for this program will be willing to do the things that she says are contained in the program. That doesn’t need to be re-stated as a qualification.
Then she says that the client needs to be 100% truthful with her (Carolina) and fully responsible for herself and her life.
This, too, is implied.
In fact, it’s a prerequisite for any client in any subject matter – business, health, dating, whatever. All clients need to be truthful and responsible.
So it’s not necessary to mention – it’s a given! 🙂
And it’s not like untruthful, irresponsible people will read that and say “oops – that’s me! Better not contact her”
😉
I think this is similar to when people say on a dating profile “I am looking for someone who will be honest and not lie to me and be committed to me.”
Those things are a given for any relationship – all people who want a relationship are looking for those things.
(at least, as far as I know – feel free to correct me if you know someone or are someone who is looking for dishonesty and lying in a relationship 😉 )
And dishonest people usually don’t admit that they’re dishonest, so to me, including that in your profile as a way of supposedly screening out dishonest people is kinda pointless.
In fact, it can even be counterproductive because when honest people – y’know, the kinds who would actually be the type of person you’re looking for – read that, they wonder why you’re so specific about screening that out.
It almost reads as “I’ve been in relationships with a lot of dishonest people and I’m not over it yet.”
And I get the same kind of feeling when I read these kinds of things in people’s invitations to join their coaching program.
Which is why I advise against stating these kinds of things as qualifications – they can be a turnoff to empowered clients.
Plus, you only have 500 words, so why take up precious real estate with things that are implied/givens? 🙂
Back to Carolina’s qualifications for her ideal client.
She ends with:
“You are dedicated to wanting to live from unconditional love”
This, too, reads as duplicative of earlier statements. In the 1/2/3 part about her method, she talks about how they work on living from unconditional love.
So it’s again implied that the right client for this will be dedicated/willing to do the things listed.
So if all three of these qualifications can be deleted, what SHOULD be listed here?
This is where I go back to what Carolina put into the beginning of the post (the Point A/B section) that was cluttering that part up a bit.
There’s some stuff up there that can be moved down here to the qualifications section.
She said the following (I’m taking this from her first paragraph):
–are in the intermediate or advanced state of their self-empowerment journey
–have an understanding of what is required to heal their past wounds
–have done some healing already BUT have not actually connected with their EMOTIONAL pain to heal it
.
These three things sound much more like what I’d recommend putting in the qualifications section.
Because that section is meant to be about what the ideal client already knows, has tried, or has achieved that now positions them well to get an amazing outcome rapidly with you.
I do think that these three items can be clarified more, though.
For example, what does it mean to be in the intermediate or advanced state of one’s self-empowerment journey?
What does that mean or look like?
Some people may think they’re intermediate/advanced but Carolina would diagnose them as beginner. How can we distinguish the difference?
I’d need more information here from Carolina to be able to answer that – and if she were my client, that’s one of the things we’d dig into in my pre-work session before beginning to write posts.
I also wonder about the second qualification:
“have an understanding of what is required to heal their past wounds”
What IS required to heal past wounds? (In Carolina’s opinion, I mean)
Again, this seems like a case where someone could read this and think “Yep I know what’s required to heal my past wounds” but Carolina would disagree with what the client thinks is required.
So here it might be good to state what actually IS required, in Carolina’s opinion, so she and her prospects and clients don’t end up with mismatched expectations.
Moving on…
The end part – where Carolina talks about the investment for the program and invites people to DM her – does follow my framework well.
I especially like the part where she talks about what the process will be after someone DMs her.
This sets the expectations nicely rather than just saying “If interested, DM me!” and leaving it at that.
Being more specific about what will happen after they DM lets people feel more comfortable about DMing a stranger with whom they may never have connected before.
The one thing I suggest adding is something about your availability.
Like “If this is a fit, I can start you as soon as today”
Or “I am accepting clients to begin this program next week”
Or “I have availability right now”
Just so people who are ready to work together right now can clearly see that YOU’RE ready right now too. 😉
Lots of people post great content but then it’s unclear when their program opens, if it’s open right now, if they only launch 4 x per year, etc. etc.
Make it easy for people and don’t make them contact you to get that information.
And… I think that’s it for this post! 🙂
…
Carolina, thank you so much for the chance to review this.
For the rest of you, if you’ve read this far, I hope you learned a lot from this review.
If you found it as valuable or more valuable than other business help or information you’ve paid for, I welcome your gratuity payment at my new gratuity page, as this kind of content is not free for me to produce. More information here on how to make a payment.
If you want me to write a post giving feedback on one of YOUR posts – here is the info on how to be considered.
If you want my step-by-step teaching on how to construct a DIRECT OFFER post in my 500-word framework, here is a link to a free video training.
And if you want the info on my 30-day program and how to become a client of mine, here’s what you need to know.
DM me on Facebook if interested in working together, and comment here with any questions about the writing method or the feedback I gave in this post. 🙂